Should The Lunatics Run The Asylum?

Mike Ashley. Where the hell do I begin? What could I possibly write about the situation he has brought unto himself yet again that hasn’t already been written? Well, amid talk ranging from a boycott of the concessions selling pies & pints at St. James’ Park & the club shop, to staying away from home games & mass walk-outs, I’ll have a bash at giving you my take on how to deal with the pesky parasite from darn sarf…..

The NUST have proved themselves to be not much more than rabble rousers who are interested in nothing but shameless self promotion & doing the occasional bit for charidee. Let’s face it; a supporter-led buy-out of the club isn’t going to happen, unless Barry Moat (yet another shameless self promoter) finds some more loose change down the back of the sofa.

The chances of some oil-rich Arabs coming in & ridding us of the current regime are about as slim as Mr Ashley’s waist, and this itself is fraught with its own dangers - just look at the comedy-drama going on at Manchester City for proof of this. From the good old’ US of A came the owners of Liverpool and Manchester United - and how we laughed when we saw the mess they made of supporter relations. Just like Mike Ashley, in fact, just with an added ‘yee-haw’ at the end of the sentences…..

So, where does this leave us? Stuck with Mike Ashley until the end of time? Do we hope that the new manager Alan Pardew has the same effect on his current Chairman as he did on his last one? (for those who can‘t remember, Southampton owner Markus Liebherr actually passed away). Do we burn him at the stake? Run him out of the city? String him up from the Tyne Bridge by his dangly bits? (All valid options I‘m sure you‘ll agree). Or do we eat humble pie & go to Mr Ashley, cap-in-hand, and try to negotiate a reasoned, rational way into his thinking?

Before you all want to use some of my own suggestions on me, let me explain….. Let’s pretend for a minute we are Mike Ashley. Yes, I know it’s not easy, and yes, I know we would all have done things very, very differently if we were he, but bear with me on this one. Let’s say you make a mistake at work. We all do it. It happens. Now lets say that all your customers - at once, en-masse - waited outside your work for you, full of anger & hate, foaming at the mouth, making threats about your personal safety and questioning your waist size and your parentage. How would you react?

Would you say “come in, lets talk, lets see if we can sort something out“? Would you quit immediately and crawl back under the rock you came out from? Or would you stick your middle finger up at them, tell them all to f*ck off & have a laugh at them behind their backs with your mates in the pub that night? What say they continued to do this day after day, setting up websites against you and pages & groups on social networking sites? Would this help improve your feelings towards them? Would it not just make you want to do the same things to them that I suggested we may want to do to him? Would you not give two-shits about them and just carry on regardless?

It is well documented that the best way to make any impact on Mike Ashley is to boycott his stores and his brands - to hit him in the pocket. However, what is the likelihood of this having the effect required? I know I don’t, & won’t, use his stores - and I know of many other Newcastle fans who feel the same - but what say of his hundreds of other stores around the country, where people with no emotional tie to NUFC will continue to shop regardless? Will they stop buying his stack ‘em high, sell ‘em cheap goods because we ask them to? No, is the simple answer to that.

(Just as a brief side-note, Mr Ashley’s ownership of both Sp0rt$ D!r£ct and Newcastle United has one persistent question burning a hole in my mind: How much money does SD contribute to NUFC? Are SD paying the going rate for all the advertising they get at St. James’ Park? Are they paying the same amount for the naming rights to the stadium that an outside company would? Is the hideous advert on the roof of the Gallowgate End putting money into the club and the squad? Or is he just using the ground as a free vehicle to publicise his other financial interest? My guess would be the latter.)

So there we have it. Fan representation. Now I’m not saying my plan is perfect - far from it. The possibilities of it actually happening are miniscule and better people than me & you have tried & failed. But… But… What IF we extended an olive branch to Mr Ashley? What IF we formed a reasoned, mature, informed group to try to negotiate some way to actually get him round a table and talk to him? To try to get him to see our point of view as I have tried to see things from his? To say to him “look, I know we haven’t always got on, and you probably like (!) us as much as we do you, but just hear us out, listen to our fears and see if we can all just get along for the good of the club” - which, after all, is the most important thing here, and is what we the fans, and dare I even say Mr Ashley himself, wants?

In an ideal world, we would have someone equally close to Mike Ashley as they are to the fans. Someone who could be equally honest with both, and deal with each party in the same manner. A negotiator if you will. A mediator. A diplomat. Someone who can explain his decisions to us & try to help us understand why he makes the choices he does - and to explain to him the reasons why we may not agree with those choices, in the hope that both parties can reach an agreement we’re all happy with.

I know this idealism raises many more questions than it answers. For example, how do we get close enough to the owner to put this to him? How do we sit him down and explain to him that this is for the betterment of the club, and that to have us all working together FOR the club is much more beneficial than us both heading in opposite directions, pulling it apart? That to truly be Newcastle UNITED, we must all join forces in our aims, in our hopes & dreams, in our vision for the future of the club. This can only happen in one way: to negotiate with the current owner. To show him that all we care about, is NUFC (and all the while hoping he feels the same)…..

Before any of that can happen however, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves and what we are doing to contribute to this mess. Are we banding together to form a strong alliance capable of influencing change? No. Are we being sensible by discussing all the options available to us, going through all the pros & cons and coming up with a concise plan of action? No. Right now, the situation is so farcical that even the various protest groups are fighting against each other! Lets face the bare facts of the matter here: if we can’t even sit down and discuss things between ourselves, and continue to bicker over who’s right and who’s wrong and who’s dad is bigger than who’s, then we don’t stand a chance in hell of making a difference to the situation, and are merely providing outsiders with even more mud to sling at us.

In our quest for the best for Newcastle United, we need to think smart and act accordingly. To maybe show a bit of humility and hope that the same is returned. If we want positive change for our club, my suggestion would be to put away the hastily scrawled bed sheets, to untie the noose, and to stop fighting what is essentially a losing battle against Mike Ashley, and to prove to him that we can be grown up, reasonable and responsible in the face of adversity. This in turn, I feel, will have a much more positive effect on the situation.

Am I trying to dream the impossible dream? Maybe. But wouldn’t all our lives as Newcastle United fans - and indeed the club itself - benefit from for this? Definitely.

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Thank you for your comment, they are always appreciated! Don't get me wrong, I think the banner wavers have their place - and I reserve the right for people to protest in whatever way they feel is most appropriate - I just feel that there are more constructive ways for us to let Mr Ashley know that we are unhappy with the way he is running the club, and most importantly, going about trying to change things.

With regard to the 'olive branch' idea, I would love the FA (or even UEFA and FIFA for that matter) make it compulsory for all professional clubs to have some kind of supporter representation who allowed direct contact with those running their club. Otherwise, the entire game - from the players, management and team owners/chairmen - risk alienating the most important part of the club, the fans.

Players, managers and owners will always come and go, yet the one constant is the supporters. Without us, they have no teams, and with no teams, they have no game. Yet as long as we continue to line their pockets nothing will ever change, as they expect nothing more of us than to pay our money and keep our mouths shut. In their eyes, we are not entitled to an opinion on any aspect of the game.

** I would just like it noted for the record, for anyone reading this post, that in no way do I support Mike Ashley and nor do I agree with the way he has been running NUFC. I am merely trying to look at an alternative (and hopefully more constructive) way of dealing with the current situation. As I said above, I fully support the right of NUFC fans to protest in whatever way they feel is most productive to them, regardless of whether I agree with their methods or not.